Hormones vs Reality: What Happens Inside Us When We Fall in Love, and How to Fall Out of Love with an Image on Your Phone

Falling in love isn't just romance — it's a powerful reaction of the brain and the endocrine system. When we like someone, a real hormonal cocktail kicks in:

• A dopamine rush: the brain starts producing dopamine, the hormone of anticipation and pleasure. It's what makes us check our phone every five minutes and feel euphoric at every new message.
• An adrenaline surge: noradrenaline and adrenaline make your heart beat faster, cause a slight trembling in your hands and those famous “butterflies in your stomach”.
• A serotonin dip: levels of serotonin (the calm hormone) drop sharply. That's why your thoughts become obsessive: you physically can't switch from the person you like to work or sleep.

When this happens in real life, the hormones are balanced out by the person's real flaws, which we notice over time. But over text, that never happens.

When you communicate through photos and text, you run into the “blank canvas” effect. The other person sends you perfect, filtered shots and writes carefully considered messages (after all, they have time to think before replying). Your critical thinking switches off.

Your brain fills in a perfect portrait on its own: it gives the person an ideal voice, manners, kindness and intelligence. In the end, you fall in love not with a real person but with a romanticised projection in your own head.

If you realise there's too much anxiety and control hiding behind the curtain of your chats (or you're simply tired of living in illusions), here's how to win back your emotional independence:

1. Separate the person from the image (the “Screen” technique). Every time you catch yourself having tender thoughts, remind yourself: “Right now I'm thinking about a character I made up myself. I don't know how he chews, how he gets angry, what he smells like or how he behaves under stress.” Break the idealisation with facts — until you've seen the person in real life, they're a stranger to you.
2. Break the dopamine loop. Your brain is used to getting a dose of pleasure from the notification sound. Mute the chat and unpin it. Set fixed times for checking your phone (for example, 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the evening). Don't let someone else's words control your mood all day.
3. Ground yourself through your body and reality. When a wave of fantasies rolls in, bring yourself back to the physical world. Work out, take a cold shower, go for a walk without your phone, do a deep clean. A hormonal storm is easily calmed by physical activity.
4. Do a reality check (the tough step). If the person is open to it, ask for a spontaneous video call right now — no preparation, no filters, no carefully set lighting. Or push for a real meeting within the next 2–3 days. Reality instantly takes the shine off fantasies: either you'll see an ordinary person and calm down, or you'll realise you have nothing to talk about in person.
5. Fill the emotional vacuum. Often, falling for someone over text is just a way to escape boredom or loneliness. Find something that gives you dopamine in a healthy, painless way: a new hobby, a good book, an exciting trip or meeting friends you haven't seen in a long time.